parthenope (2024)

a stream of consciousness poem inspired by one of my favorite movies

my life sounds like a quiet tragedy sometimes.

no disaster ever strikes, it’s mostly happy images.

beautiful women, healthy bodies, laughter, pleasure, power,

ego for the sake of ego.

it’s a beautiful life.

and on a particularly good night or a loud day, i can forget where i came from.

paint myself blameless and innocent, a perfect liar

a deceptive angel, except haven’t i always been righteous.

i don’t like dreaming of my childhood

the same way a person grows to dislike nightmares, i relish in them

i learned from a young age that fear was malleable and i could craft whatever i desired

through it, with it, or in the absence of it

whichever came to me first.

there’s an ominous voiceless tune that plays at night

between my budding thoughts and resting body.

it reeks of piano and strings,

it has no clear inspiration,

it shifts and snakes between blues, classical, and ambient music.

it is a nameless and deafeningly bland tune.

with the most silent and sharp danger to it.

i wonder if my grandmother ever wanted to be an explorer,

if my mother feels like she’s seen all the world could offer her

if both of them are at peace.

i tell them both about my dreams, keeping the happiest bits to myself,

and they smile

i believe it’s at the freedom of choice at the prospect of an ambitious descendant

waiting to take on the world in a way they didn’t think of

i think about them both often.

i comb my hair under moonlight because that’s what a siren might do

and usually, i feel equal parts myth and woman so

what better to do than to learn from them.

i try not to let my dreams consume me but my passion feels like the only warmth i’ve ever known

i would never abandon her.

so, i feed her, make plans, take steps until i watch her manifest as the phoenix she is

she is a creature born of my passion and my only child.

some tragedies are happy stories,

is what i’m choosing to believe.

i lay my head down knowing that darkness makes light and vice versa,

i wonder if there’s a supercut of all my best parts and that all that i am now.

i think that’d be a beautiful thing.